“One listens to the story of illicit affairs with interest and attention unless and until his own sister or daughter comes out in the story.”
The affair of a teenage girl found in the compromising position with her teacher spread like a wild fire in the village. The fire was lit by some of his classmates. When the teacher came to know that his deeds are now in open, he immediately left the village due to fear of attack from the villagers.
The villagers reach to the house of the teacher and started abusing their families. They were threatening to kill their son if found in the village. The parents of the teacher were standing in front of the mob with folded hands, eyes wet and head towards the ground. Many from inside the mob pelted stones and put black patch on the wall. They were telling “what if same happens with your daughter…our daughters are also going to the same school… Your son has ashamed the honor of the village and woman”. The mob left after some time with threat to face dire consequences if his son is seen around village. The mother kept weeping and saying “My son is innocent…my son is innocent ….He can never do such things…someone else is behind this.”
Here the parents of the girl are very much annoyed on their daughter. The mother of the girl scolded and slapped her daughter. The father was also shouting in between ”How long it will take to spread this to another village….who will marry with her….who will marry with her young sister…?”
His brother, of age 16, was sitting in the corner of the house. He was angrier on the teacher than on his sister. He took silent oath to find out the teacher and kill him whatever may be the penalty...whether he is jailed or hanged till death.
He remembers how so many times he used to listen and enjoy with his friends when some of them use to tell about someone’s love affair. How they proceeded for kissing and further acts and in which place or corner of the village. He thinks “On his back his sister’s story will be definitely on discussion among his friends or village youth in the way the discussion happened earlier with microscopic details.”
He realizes “People listen and enjoy these stuffs unless and until one’s own mother, sister or daughter comes out in the story.”
The girl felt humiliated whenever she came out of her door. While going and coming, some villagers passed indirect comments but she understood that those were meant for her only.
How this story ended and what happened to the teacher, teenage girl and their parents is almost the same which we hear on the news channels and read in the newspaper very frequently with the headline as “HONOUR KILLING”.
As per the reports from various agencies, every year about 1000 youths are killed or murdered to preserve the honour of Caste/Community or Village. Though majority of the cases are from the rural part of India but there are good number of reports from the urban India like Delhi, Calcutta etc.
What should be the solution on honor killing? Many times it is debated on the news channel and many articles are written on them. Most of them conclude for a strict law with severe punishment against the killer and abolishment of local Panchayats and their power.
There is no suspicion that this is a very sensitive and complex issue. When an individual’s blood boils for revenge and honor then the fear of severe to severe punishment cannot deter him. Here the satisfaction comes from the blood spill of the culprit.
Considering the complexity and sensitivity involved, let us find out what we can do from our side to prevent honor killings. Before finding the solution let us know what are the major reasons which compels people to either kill their near and dear ones or person who is held responsible for defaming their honour.
- 1. Inter-caste or inter-religion marriage.
- 2. Girl from an economically rich background elopes or marriages or have affair with the boy of modest or poor background.
- 3. Marriage within the same Gotra or extended family
- 4. Extramarital or Premarital Relationship.
- 5. A child conceived out of wedlock.
If we talk about the Inter-caste and inter-religion marriage, our rural India is still tangled with rigid caste system. The person who belongs to so called upper caste can’t see their son or daughter getting married with the member of low caste. They will take it against the honor of their caste and will say as “Tune to Jaat aur pariwar ka naam duba dia”(You have brought shame to family and caste. In the rural India, people from the same caste or community use to have their caste meetings regularly. They will immediately unite together in the name of caste.
Wherever the caste system is rigid, we need to educate them. I know most of the people going through this article are staying in the metropolitan cities of India. But most of us have our roots in the village only. Today urban India is almost above caste and religious feelings. For most of us there is no issue at all if some of our relatives go for inter-caste or inter-religion marriage. The way we have raised ourselves above these caste feelings, we need to raise those who are still trapped in the world of caste or religion. Instead of always favoring for punishment, we should try to understand the real cause of the issue. May be many of us will not be able to understand the issue. If we talk to our father or grandfathers and ask them what leads the people of the rural India to commit such heinous acts, we can get the real sense of issue. We can take part in educating them through small movies, stories, small pamphlets. There are many NGO’s who work for the welfare of the villages on different issues. We can also participate and play our role from there.
If we talk about the second point where a girl from the rich background elopes or marriages with the boy of poor background then this is not digestible for the girl’s family. However the reverse scenario does not create that much issue. In many of the movies it has been shown that how a girl’s family sends goons to threaten, kill or murder the guy who is courting the rich girl. Here the problem lies in the attitude and mindset of the people. Generally, we all relate our status with the amount of money we have accumulated and the designation or power we have. To the people of higher status, it comes as blow to their reputation if their lovely daughter asks for marriage against their wishes and that to with a guy who is far below in terms of status.
Here the prevention can be the solution. The girl who understands that her parents would not like to see getting her married with an economically backward guy and can sense the consequences of going against her parent then she should first try to convince the parents. If they do not want to compromise with their self proclaimed status then better to sacrifice her wishes instead of inviting the dangerous consequences to their partner and mental trauma to her throughout her life.
The 3rd point is about the marriage within the same Gotra. In the news headlines, very frequently we hear about Gotras, Khaps or Marriages within the member of the family etc. I wonder how many youngsters of urban India are aware what Gotra means and how it flows downwards. How many urban youth knows what is there in the teachings of India’s Vedas, Upanishads, Poorans, Geeta etc.
Almost all the Hindu practices have scientific as well as religious and social harmony traits. The Gotra is considered is an extended family from same parents. Two members belonging to the same gotra are the offspring of the same parents.
According to Hindu philosophy the marriage cannot happen within the member of same Gotra . Also we have heard from our ancestors that as per Hindu Custom, marriages are prohibited within seven generations on the father's side and five on the mother's side. The Hindu Marriage Act bars marriage for five generations on the father's side and three on the mother's side, but allows cross-cousin marriage where it is permitted by custom. If marriage happens within the same Gotra or between the members of the near generation, then this is treated as marriage between brother and sister and hence an incestuous relationship.
However, in many parts of India, the marriage between two members of same Gotra is allowed if the generation gap is not less than seven from father’s side and five from mother’s side. The concept of this practice is to avoid inbreeding and harmful effects to the offspring.
Moreover in the rural India, even the neighbors are treated as family members and they avoid the marriage between the members of the same village irrespective of caste and Gotra. Hence for them, in the village…every girl is a sister and every boy is a brother…doesnt matter of which caste he or she belongs. Similarly the members of the same Gotra are treated as own blood only even if they belong to any part of the world.
So in short, in rural India same-gotra marriage, same-village marriage or marriage in the immediate neighborhoods is not encouraged or rather prohibited. This is due to the fear of insecurity for female family members. The relation between a boy and girl is not always for love but many times girls are courted only with the intention of physical desire. Once this is over the relationship is also over. So no parents in the village want to take risk and hence there is always a big no for such affairs within the village members.
Many who violated the above tradition of the society and eloped with the girl of the same gotra or same village were badly prosecuted from the society. The news report says that many couples were killed down by the members of their own family only. No one supports killing and no one wants to see their near and dear ones suffers in front of their eyes. But here in almost all the cases a brother kills his sister, the father or mother kill their young son, daughter and son in law.
In the rural India people are dependent on each other. If we go to any village any ask the name of any member of the village then even a small boy will direct us to his door step. In contrast, in our urban India, the people have moved out from joint family to nuclear family and now the trend is of childless couples. If they desire child in the later stage of their married life, some prefer to go for surrogacy. In most of the urban society, people do not know even their immediate neighbors. In the name of modernization, they are under the impact of westernization.
Now if we talk about extramarital affairs or premarital sex or when a child is conceived out of wedlock then it does not create much problem in the urban India but if the same happens in our villages we can well imagine the plight. In urban India generally people does not interfere in the private life. They will only have professional talk. Even if they know some secret of someone’s private life then also they will avoid bringing that matter. If such type of relationship comes out in the village then the there will be public beating for the boy and for the girl it will be hard to step out from home. The parents of the girl will try to get her married as soon as possible and there will be always fear of break up in marriage life if somehow the pre-marriage stories are disclosed. The same type of situation is found if someone goes for inter-caste marriage.
Based on the above observation, we can say that urbanization, westernization and Individual centric approach will definitely reduce the problem or crimes related to above issues but with the compromise on our own social identity.
While giving the principles of Arya Samaj Swami Dayanand said “I am giving the principles of Arya Samaaj but these would require time to time attention and discussions, to nurture and keep them enrich and demanding in future societies. The only thing we will need to do is to reform them, restructure them but not to forget or throw-out from society like a wound because these are our identities.”
He wants to say that society requires change and attention time to time. But in doing so the social and cultural identity should not be lost.
No social responsibility and no social care of how individual’s good or bad activity will impact the society. Only individual centric will lead to the loss of social identity and ultimately we will be not having our own identity but just the copy of western culture. May be tomorrow India will be known as a country identical with some western county ABC in terms of traditions and culture.
Around 19th century, our society was suffering with severe social stigma and curses like Sati Pratha, Child Marriage, Untouchability, Polygamy, Pardah System, keeping widows out of home etc. With time some of the family got educated and in return they taught the society and let them know the disadvantages of such practices. The great Reformers like Swami Dayanand, Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Swami Vivekanada and their Pracharaks who travelled widely deep in to many of the villages and successfully wiped out the evils from the society.
But they never compromised on the social and cultural identity of India.
Finally,there is no use of discussing all these things in the drawing room with TV in the front? Yes to me also what is the use of writing all these things if I am not able to bring out or free persons from such social evils. If someone thinks that they have risen above the prejudices of the society like inter-caste marriages, inter-religion or Untouchabilty then educate back the society to get rid of such issues instead of talking about strict law with strict punishment. If you decide to go for inter-caste marriage and find that old thinking of your parents is coming on your way, then instead of eloping with your partner you can teach your parents or family or society. In most of the cases parents go to the wishes of their children only. The honor killing is more of a social issue of our country than an intentional crime. The cause of the killings may be a subject of fun and laugh for elite and educated section of the society but for some it becomes the subject of Pride and Honor.
